action + joint post ✪ out of some sentimental gain -- i wanted you to feel my pain

[herotypical]

[ buffy and spike have been out a-missioning -- only it hasn't gone quite as...merrily as they might have hoped. you see, they’re back a little early. spike decided to make an escape attempt and, in doing so, he’s brought malnosso justice down on both their heads. it’s all terribly unfair.

their punishment? one doozy of a bodyswap. spike is buffy and buffy is spike. and neither of them are too pleased about it.

sartre once claimed that 'hell is other people'; however, a situation like this makes a convincing argument that hell is, in fact, being other people. after they argue their way out of a proverbial wet paper bag and manage to find better clothing than the new feather garb they're initially given, they'll be available (throughout the next few days) to be mocked or sympathized with or awkwardly avoided all around town, depending on the individual.

find top comments below for either buffy's thread or spike's thread or -- if you’re looking for a thread with both of them -- buffy and spike. buffy’s tags will come from deadhero and spike’s tags will come from heroatypical. please don’t hesitate to tag all three options if that’ll float your boat. ]

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[heroatypical]

Spike took a step towards Jack, finger out angrily, before realizing that Jack was now taller than him. So he stopped.

"Well at least I tried, didn't I? Like I give a rat's ass I could get punished for it. I wasn't going to sit on my hands waiting for the magic day someone saw to it I'd be free to leave."

[deadhero]

The switch flipped: he wasn't capable of looking at her. And although she understood, she also felt it hurt. Sting. But she swallowed that half of her pride and...

Oh. That was exceedingly surreal. Buffy rocked back on her feet while she watched an irate version of herself confront a fuming Jack. Is that what they looked like? When they fought? Did she really look so...

Laughably small?

"Oh my God," she groaned into a hand. "Can vampires get headaches? If vampires got headaches, I would be getting one right now."

[all7seas]

Sparrow didn't answer her. He didn't see how anything he could say could make this better. He couldn't.

Carefully he put away the cholera-fighting not-butter. He tucked the acorn back in his pocket. The cat food went in a cabinet. Methodical.

[heroatypical]

Still fuming, he couldn't be sure if he had succeeded in making his point or made things worse or what. But he was sick of this ridiculous dress and the ridiculous slippers on his feet.

He turned to leave. "I'm putting something decent on now."

[deadhero]

...It was a terrible choice to have to make. Buffy could either stalk down Spike and supervise the humiliating (but necessary) task of dressing her body in something a little less New Feathery or she could let him swan off and take the time to try and smooth something -- anything -- over with Jack.

In the end, she merely waved an exasperated hand at Spike and muttered a carefully worded warning about how he'd better make it snappy. Her real mission was in the kitchen.

She hovered in the doorway, feeling altogether too tall.

"You're upset. I understand that. But..."

Her voice. Buffy really missed her own voice.

[all7seas]

Hector was yowling in his PLEASE FEED ME voice whilst twining and snaking in a trippy way around Jack's legs. Cupcake was sitting by rather demurely licking one paw, save for the calculating I shall eat FIRST AND MOST, my son expression on her face.

"Ah. You do? Understand?


Interesting."

Jack busied himself preparing the cats' dinner.

[heroatypical]

Being undeterred, Spike stormed from the kitchen to Buffy's room. He'd snatch up some clothes, then take them to his own room. Like hell he was going to change in there while staring at Jack's stuff mingled with hers.

This would take awhile.

[deadhero]

"Yes. Understand. Or maybe worse 'cause last I checked? I'm the one whose body's being taken for a spin right now. Mine."

She viciously wrapped Spike's deeper voice around that one word. Buffy was feeling mighty possessive of herself, tonight. Even still, her volume dropped: "It's not like I'm enjoying this."

[all7seas]

Her voice was filled with defensiveness against accusations he'd never leveled. Both of them were treating him, in his eyes, like he was somehow at fault for this. Like he should be reacting a certain way and wasn't.

Cupcake got fed first. She was the boss.

it's just us for a moment.

[deadhero]

"...Jack."

Sigh. Right around now would be the time she'd try and court his conversation and reason with a caring hand on his arm or maybe a coy kiss. But -- well. It went without saying that the usual recourses weren't available to her at the moment.

In a terrifying turn of events, she had to rely on her words. That was never a good sign. "What -- besides the glaringly obvious -- is the matter? Exactly? In plain English? Tell me so I can at least try to fix it. So at least one part of my life isn't spiralling madly out of control?"

07

[all7seas]

"Nothing at all, apart from the glaringly obvious."

Hector was practically frantic by now; Jack made sure to give him a little extra. Scratched him behind his tufty ears. There would be no saying I told you so to Buffy in reference to this mission. He hadn't liked the idea of it from the start. His misgivings, obviously, had been proved correct.

"Not injured, are you?" Still cool.

[deadhero]

"Which me?"

She could match cool for coolness, if she had to. But it soon gave way to uncomfortable honesty. "Spike's body is fine. I took some damage from the Hunters shortly before he tried and failed to pull off his little caper. Nothing big, though. Superficial, all of it. A few cuts."

And they'd all smelled entirely too delicious as they'd bled on their walk back through the forest.

Buffy ducked low and tried to coax Cupcake over to her fingers, but the cat didn't seem to recognize her. Hah.

"It's just a shift," she said in an effort to convince him as much as herself. "They're always just shifts. They suck and then they're done with and everything's back to normal. Soon."

[all7seas]

He really wished she hadn't used the term suck, what with being a vampire and all.

"Soon."

The chore of cat-feeding done, Jack turned to face her, leaning against the counter. It would be easier if he closed his eyes, except there was that hated voice. Bugger.

"McCoy's back."

[deadhero]

"Soon," she repeated once again. And that seemed like the last word, only..."Wh-what?"

The face said it all. A complex show of pain and hope and it's possible that for a brief second there were tears in what were meant to be Spike's eyes before she cuffed them very quicky away with a bare wrist. The sniffle was more habit than requirement and it only brought her a heady noseful of tempting human-smells.

"When? Where? When?"

[all7seas]

"While you were off missioning with your Spike and getting drawn into foolhardy plots."

Right. There had to be SOME kind of rum in this cupboard. Jack began to search.

"Oi -- did you settle things? While you were out there? What you wanted to settle, all that?"

[deadhero]

Everything -- Jack's snipes and his questions and the ever-annoying possessive -- crumbled away. She wasn't done with this revelation. Not yet. And maybe it was the guilty joy or the intense hunger that she was suffering from but Buffy had to reach out with Spike's two pale hands and steady herself against the counter top.

"H-how is he?"

[all7seas]

"The same." Jack's voice softened. "He's the same. And I don't think I've been happier to see another man in all my days."

An ally. A best friend.

[deadhero]

"I gotta find him."

It was impulsive. It was rash. How could she just leave Spike behind? Shouldn't she watch over her body and her body's keeper? "Or not. I mean -- like this? He'd hate me. He'd...

The same. If he's the same, does that mean he...?"

Remembers?

[all7seas]

"Everything." Jack's voice stayed soft. Gentle. He knew that this news could be both an emotional blow and a boon for Buffy. It helped if he didn't think too hard about the Spike-voice and Spike-looks while discussing it with her. His mind wasn't straying at ALL toward what the vampire might be doing to Buffy's body. He wouldn't allow it.

Jack moved toward the fridge.

"He remembers everything. And he loves you. And perhaps...perhaps you should write to him." Instead of showing up and getting phasered in the face for looking like Spike.

Bottles and food containers rattled as he began searching for something.

[deadhero]

She almost smiled.

"Nah. See -- first time me and Bones met in person? He wasn't in his own face, either. It'd be like an homage. A throw-back."

Buffy was joking. There was no way she'd inflict this horror show on McCoy.

[all7seas]

"Here." He handed her a bottle that was clearly marked WARNING BLOOD DO NOT DRINK DISGUSTING BLOOD FOR A WANKER.


Passive aggressive grocery shopping: Jack did it.

[deadhero]

Hands went up. Buffy took a step away from the bottle.

"I...don't think I'm ready for that. Yet." But she was so hungry. Hungry but stubborn. "I mean -- it's gross. You know just how gross it is."

But it was oddly touching that he was even trying. In that moment, Buffy could see that Jack was still trying to look out for her. It eased some of the sting.

[all7seas]

He was, but not for long. Not....in her presence, anyhow. It had become pretty clear to Jack Sparrow that he would have to leave Seven for a while.

It was either that or live rather publicly in the living room.

"It's gross. Drink it. You look all pale and ugly."

[deadhero]

"Ha ha. Let it be said that even Jack Sparrow's love-blind flattery has its limits," she was only joking but it was...disconcerting to hear such an unfortunate description of herself from his lips. Not that she entirely internalized it. The pale bit? Sure. But Buffy would never have described Spike as ugly.

Just as well that she didn't say that aloud, really. Instead, she reached for the bottle. Like some skittish school-girl, she didn't let her fingers touch his on the bottle's neck.

"Turn around. You shouldn't have to watch this."

Maybe she could just dump it.

[all7seas]

"No, actually. I want to see it." Now THAT was calculated to be a bit infuriating. Jack reasoned that he'd earned that much.