action + joint post ✪ out of some sentimental gain -- i wanted you to feel my pain

[herotypical]

[ buffy and spike have been out a-missioning -- only it hasn't gone quite as...merrily as they might have hoped. you see, they’re back a little early. spike decided to make an escape attempt and, in doing so, he’s brought malnosso justice down on both their heads. it’s all terribly unfair.

their punishment? one doozy of a bodyswap. spike is buffy and buffy is spike. and neither of them are too pleased about it.

sartre once claimed that 'hell is other people'; however, a situation like this makes a convincing argument that hell is, in fact, being other people. after they argue their way out of a proverbial wet paper bag and manage to find better clothing than the new feather garb they're initially given, they'll be available (throughout the next few days) to be mocked or sympathized with or awkwardly avoided all around town, depending on the individual.

find top comments below for either buffy's thread or spike's thread or -- if you’re looking for a thread with both of them -- buffy and spike. buffy’s tags will come from deadhero and spike’s tags will come from heroatypical. please don’t hesitate to tag all three options if that’ll float your boat. ]

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[heroatypical]

A manicurist might have been his calling in another life. But he was able to at least put his hands away. On his lap, at first, then crossed, then flatly on the sofa. He was trying really hard to not touch, but it was all so very instinctive.

"We can't do this for however long it lasts, you know. If there's going to be rules? You better spell them out now before your body decides it needs to take a leak."

[deadhero]

She pulled a face at his crudity. But the point was understood. Buffy gathered the bottle into one arm and cradled it at the crook while she exited the kitchen and came 'round to the living room proper.

She sat across from Spike and looked straight into his eyes.

"Well. I think that, uhm, some things probably go without saying..."

[heroatypical]

"Do they? Because I'm not even sure if I get to go and have a shower on my own."

For all he knew, they were both in for some incredibly awkward spongebaths administered by their own bodies.

[deadhero]

"As much as I hate the idea? I think the alternative is actually worse..."

Being naked was one devil; but being naked together? Not advisable. Not desired.

[heroatypical]

"Agreed."

He really didn't fancy being face to face seeing himself naked. Took all the fun out of it.

"I'll use a loofah." He'd never used a loofah. But he figured it would mean no touching.

[deadhero]

"No going off-script, wardrobe wise. That's a rule. I don't like it when other people dress me."

There were some deviations she could probably handle. And she wasn't even all that worried about how Spike would dress her -- he knew too much and he knew better than to push the envelope on that front.

And yet -- power monger as she was -- she had to say it anyway.

[heroatypical]

"Off-script? Am I supposed to fake your accent too? Call myself Buffy and go about on patrol for all the big bad vampires?"

Not that there was any way he could ever be convincingly Buffy.

[deadhero]

"God, no. That's the last thing my social rep needs. I just -- last time something like this happened, some bad fashion choices were made. I'd like to avoid that."

[heroatypical]

"I remember. Didn't seem so bad to me."

[deadhero]

"A-actually? I was talking about a time here. There were fa--

Wait. Didn't seem so what? I didn't think you'd..."

Ran into her. Buffy remembered telling Spike about the swap -- after the fact. But had there been...?

[heroatypical]

"There was a time here?"

The other bit didn't concern him. He ran into Faith. Things were said. He didn't want to talk about it.

[deadhero]

She leaned back on the chair with a theatrical sigh. She understood, now, that the breath was superfluous. But she liked expressing herself with it all the same. She hadn't yet managed to change out of the New Feather pants but it didn't seem so important anymore.

It wouldn't make her any warmer.

"Twice, actually. Once with a sweet girl named Fina. That wasn't so bad. Uneasy. But not horrible."

[heroatypical]

Twice. Bloody hell.

"And the second time?"

[deadhero]

"Not a swap, per se. Just -- people turning into things and other people. Someone turned into me. It was like having a twin. A very poorly dressed twin. I wasn't affected -- bully for me."

[heroatypical]

"So who was it then?"

[deadhero]

"Why the big urge to find out, huh?"

Another clumsy dodge. Hell, her -- his -- voice practically cracked.

[heroatypical]

"Well you had no problem mentioning this first girl, did you? So why not this other one?"

[deadhero]

"Because I'm fairly convinced you don't want to hear anything else about Jack Sparrow," and she wrinkled her nose at the sound of his name on this voice. Even Spike's natural tone seemed to disparage it. It wasn't at all like saying his name in her own voice.

She also tried to pin the dodge on him -- you don't want to hear it -- when the real reason was that she didn't want to tell it.

[heroatypical]

"Jack." He let the name hang in the air as the indignation settled. She may not have said it was him directly, but he could connect the dots. "You mean that dreadlocked nancy has already paraded around in your body and then he feels he has to up and leave?"

[deadhero]

"It wasn't my body. I was still in my body. It was..."

It was as good as, really. In the end. And it had given him untold advantages over her. Or, at the very least, it had put her at a disadvantage.

And worse? Spike was possibly right. Buffy couldn't blame Jack for leaving -- and it had eased some of the tension in the house -- but she couldn't love him for it, either. She'd asked for a promise: no more running away. His exit had just about flirted with the cusp of running.

"Come on," she murmured, "it's not like you wanted him to stay, anyway."

But I did.

[heroatypical]

"Am I glad he's gone? Too right I am. But you deserve better than that, don't you?"

[deadhero]

"...He's not as bad as he comes across at fi--"

Why was she defending him? Hadn't she already resolved not to? "He'll be back. In a few hours he'll realize how much of a lummox he's been. No harm. No foul."

It was important to tell herself these things.

[heroatypical]

"If you say so." To Spike, that was a man who hated Spike's face more than he loved her. Or at least, it's how he justified putting Jack down some more.

"But I don't expect to be seeing him while I look like this."

[deadhero]

"He'll probably opt to stay on the Joanna Joyce. After all? Pirate. I don't know. Maybe it's easier with him gone. Just for now."

And she immediately felt guilt for voicing that opinion. Double-guilt for voicing it in front of Spike.

[heroatypical]

"For him, maybe."

And for her, perhaps. Hell, he just didn't think much of Jack for leaving so soon.